WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
Our Tuesday Women’s Empowerment Circle was deep and powerful this week as we dove into the conversation on all that "could have been" and finding meaning in life after losing a Rare child. There are many questions to ask yourself like,”Who am I without this person I have loved so deeply?” We also looked at how to continue to engage in life and do more than simply “soldier on.” This is a very deep process of grieving the loss of your beloved child as well as the loss of the life you thought you would be living.
Welcome your feelings 𓆩♡𓆪
As you move through this unimaginably painful process, it’s important to feel all of your feelings and surrender into the pain. Give yourself permission to go on with life which can be hard because it may feel like you’re losing them or abandoning them by letting go to the next level. Guilt is a very common experience at this stage of the journey. Trust what is arising and breathe…a lot. There may also be some part of you that may be holding on because you don’t know who you will be without your grief?
Sometimes you might also feel like you’re running out of space for feelings. Perhaps rather than feel and process, you might try simply experiencing things. Let yourself experience it all. Life as a raregiver is often stressful. For instance, if your kid is having seizures every day, it can be hard to find joy and ease in life. So let go, and grieve the little things like the fact that your house is a disaster area even though before you had your Rare child, you did your best to make your house into a “Marie Kondo” house. It’s really ok to grieve that your house is not as neat and clean as you’d like it to be.
Not the life you had imagined 𓆩♡𓆪
Many raregivers talk about grieving the life you thought you’d have and you thought things would be a certain way. Perhaps you'd imagined your child playing on the soccer team or taking dance classes. You become aware of all of the milestones your Rare child will not hit and you watch your nieces and nephews graduating high school, going to college, getting married and so on. After the passing of a child, there is a lot of support, that is, when the loss is fresh. People in your family and community show up with casseroles and offer to help you around the house or take your other children to the park. What generally happens is after a month or two, you are on your own with your grief and all of the responsibilities in your life. It can be very challenging and lonely. We are here for you. You are not alone.
Coming Up Next Week: Remembering What Makes You Happy 𓆩♡𓆪
Transitions never truly end. The end of a physical life is the beginning of a transition to a new world where caregiving may no longer be your primary focus. This is a time where self-care can really make a difference in your wellbeing. Together we will explore what it is that gives you joy and fulfillment. You are in a new time and this is a chance for you to rediscover who you are beyond your role as a raregiver. We will look at what really matters to you and how you can step into a new version of yourself that is nourishing and able to embrace being alive with the people in your life whom you love and cherish.
Note: We will be holding meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 10am PST through the holidays and we hope to see you. We know that the holidays can be hard. Come as you are. We are here for you.
Please Join Us 𓆩♡𓆪
You may not realize how much you need the Raregivers community until you find it.
Zoom Link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88974713173
We look forward to being with you soon. 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪