BLACK & WHITE THINKING

In our Tuesday, Self-Care support group, we talked about the danger of falling into black-and-white thinking, and how it may impede our ability to clearly understand the nuances of our interpersonal experience. Black and white thinking creates polarization where we think in “yes and no or right and wrong.” This is likely a way of staying safe rather than inhabiting the unknown. What if you were to lean into the “both/and” rather than the “either/or?”

Jumping to conclusions

Sometimes when we feel afraid, we jump to conclusions or shrink and contract. In these instances, a younger part is being triggered and what she needs is your loving and compassionate attention. Some younger, very tender parts of ourselves feel out of control in the unknown. You are invited to relax, trust yourself, and open to the unknown.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm is often dripping with judgment, and although it may be an attempt to be playful, it is usually not. When sarcasm is directed toward you and your Rare child, it can be hurtful especially when everyone's laughing and your Rare child doesn't understand what they are laughing at. When people around you are being sarcastic, advocate for your Rare child by setting a clear boundary.

Is banter actually playful?

Sometimes in relationships, we playfully banter back-and-forth and sometimes the banter can be painful. It may be a bid for connection or perhaps it is unresolved conflict leaking out through passive aggressive behaviors. What if you were to up level how you relate to each other? Get current, be respectful, curious and communicate from the heart.

It's ok to have a hard time -- you are not Superwoman

As a raregiver, it is helpful to accept yourself when you are struggling. Maybe you're going through a move or renovating your home and you don't know where any of your stuff is. Embrace where you're at. The chaos and the feeling of being out of control may remind you of things you've experienced with your Rare child and may even trigger PTSD. Practice self-compassion and recognize that there may be layers of trauma around past surgeries, medical appointments that did not go as planned or other heart wrenching moments. Take the time to feel. Feeling your feelings is much more effective than avoiding them both in the long and the short run.

Coming up next week: The Places We Go When We Compare

Come share your fears and find that you are held in them and supported to move beyond them with other Raregivers. Let’s explore comparison and how it affects our self-worth. Beware comparison, your future can be shaped by comparing yourself to others. You are enough just as you are.

Please Join Us

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We look forward to being with you soon.