THE PROBLEM WITH PERFECTIONISM
This week in our Self-Care Tuesday Group, we explored the places we go when we fall short. As a Raregiver, it's very likely that you have impossibly high standards for yourself thinking that you need to do things perfectly for your rare child. The truth is you are doing your best and it is good enough.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is painful and often leads to blame, shame, and judgment. The main issue with the idea of being perfect is that it is totally unrealistic given that you are a human being. Humans are inherently flawed and you will make mistakes.
Perfection also does not exist in the natural world. If you look outside your window, you will very likely see a tree or the grass in your yard and some of the leaves on the tree are green while others are yellow and others are brown. The same is true for your lawn. The idea that you need to be perfect is inherently flawed.
Self-compassion
The practice of self compassion, which includes kindness and acceptance, is a healing salve for perfectionism. If you notice that you are thinking or feeling that you are falling short in how you are caring for your Rare child, pause, and bring your compassionate awareness to what is happening. Accept that you are doing a lot. You are doing what you can and loving them with your whole heart.
Comparison
Comparison is one of the bedfellows of judgment and perfection. You might notice if you are trying to make things perfect all the time. What if you surrender your perfectionism? What if you resist the inclination to compare? In reality, you have no idea what someone else's life is like on the inside and they have not a clue about yours. It's pure projection.
Principles
Rather than striving for perfectionism, perhaps you can maintain your principles. This supports you in having integrity while trying to be perfect is stifling.
As Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.”
Take your shot and do your best. Do what you can do and trust in the outcome. You are not in charge. God, Spirit, the Universe has a bigger plan.
Coming Up Next Week: The Places We Go When We Feel Wronged
It’s easy to go on the defense when we feel wronged. It brings up anger, disgust, and contempt. It can feel dehumanizing, dismissive or hateful. It can even push us to a place of self-righteousness in order to protect ourselves or our loved ones. Come speak to that part of us, seeing where we are hurting and learn how to give ourselves permission to feel and be.
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We look forward to being with you soon.
